Look, Donald Trump just took over the National Mall in Washington D.C. to kick off America’s big 250th anniversary, and he did exactly what you’d expect—turned the whole thing into a massive campaign rally. The government tried to act like this was gonna be some nonpartisan, family-friendly state fair, but Trump got up on stage, started dancing, and immediately began bragging about his political wins. He flat out told the crowd, "I am thrilled to declare that America is back," and you already know the political theater was in full swing.

Trump didn't hold back on trash-talking the state of the country before he got back in office, trying to make it sound like he saved the whole block. He told the crowd, "As you know very well, a short time ago we were a dead country. We were dead. Now we’re the hottest country anywhere in the world. We’re respected by everybody. Nobody’s laughing at us any more." Standard Trump talk, hyping up the crowd while the U.S. Marine Band was drumming in the background and people were waving flags.

Then he started listing off his big plays like he just won a championship ring. He talked about making a preliminary deal to end the drama with Iran, cracking down heavy on immigration at the border, and pushing through his massive tax bill. He even tried to get historical with it, comparing his tax cuts to the Boston Tea Party: "In the American Revolution, they had a saying no tax on tea. But with the Great Big Beautiful Bill we did even better." You gotta respect the hustle of comparing modern tax cuts to colonial rebellions, even if most regular people are still struggling to pay rent.

But the wildest part of the whole setup was the money they threw at Washington’s aesthetic. The administration dropped a whopping $14.1 million to make the Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool look "American flag blue" for the celebration. But of course, the project ran into major issues, getting hit with nasty algae blooms and a peeling polyurethane liner. Instead of admitting the contractors messed up, Trump blamed the peel on "thugs" and "bad people" vandalizing the pool. No cap, blaming "thugs" for a peeling pool liner is a wild excuse when you don't have any receipts to prove it.

While the event was supposed to be a major concert, a bunch of the main performers peeped the political vibes and immediately dipped. The Commodores, Martina McBride, and Young MC were all supposed to headline the opening ceremony, but they backed out of the gig. They said they didn’t want their names attached to what was clearly a political rally. On top of that, some states looked at the situation and decided to completely opt out of the Great American State Fair. They saw the play and decided to stay home.