Look, if this is how America is celebrating hitting the big 250, you definitely don’t want to be around for the funeral. The "shining city on a hill" is looking real dusty lately, and the promise of life, liberty, and getting your money is barely holding up. A big-time anniversary like 250 years of independence should have had some epic, historical energy like JFK or Obama. Instead, on Wednesday night, we got an 80-year-old convicted criminal who had a cameo in Home Alone 2 standing behind thick protective glass on the National Mall, turning the whole national holiday into another one of his personal campaign rallies.

While everybody is out here struggling to buy groceries because the war in Iran pushed prices to a three-year high, Trump's approval ratings are in the gutter. But instead of talking about how he’s going to help regular people pay their rent, the 45th and 47th president went on stage near the Washington Monument and started talking about random culture war topics. He was wildin' about transgender "mutilation," building a brand new White House ballroom that’s supposedly "more beautiful than any in the world," and trying to rebrand the Gulf of Mexico as the "Gulf of America." It’s real out-of-touch behavior when folks are just trying to survive.

Trump also started flexing about a freshly cleaned statue of Christopher Columbus, talking about how "the white marble is nice and clean." Then he started complaining about "thugs" who supposedly "gruesomely vandalised" the reflecting pool at the Lincoln Memorial. But let’s be real—he didn't show a single receipt or shred of evidence that these "thugs" actually did anything. It seems like he’s just trying to scare people and stir up trouble where there isn't any, creating his own swamp right in the middle of D.C.

The whole setup was highly segregated by politics. You had the Cabinet and House Speaker Mike Johnson sitting in the VIP section, but the Democrats were completely ghost. The crowd was packed with American flags, America 250 caps, and a whole bunch of MAGA gear. If you were looking for a liberal or anyone who wasn't drinking the kool-aid, they were as scarce as vegans at a Texas barbecue. It wasn't a unity event for the country; it was just a private party for his base.

The entertainment side of the night was an absolute mess. Some of the artists they booked—like Young MC, Martina McBride, and the Commodores—pulled a fast one and canceled their sets. They realized the whole fair was getting too political and didn't want to get their brands messed up by getting caught in the crossfire. So instead of the hitmakers, the crowd got the U.S. Marine Band and some opera singer named Christopher Macchio singing "Nessun Dorma."